1. 40 Things Men Make Mistakes With… Apparently.

    Here’s the original list.

    There are things I agree with and disagree with…

    Things that stick out to me that I disagree with:

    4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
        Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they
    get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

         -I actually think it feels glorious when they’re squeezed nice and hard. Not repetitively, just once or twice.

    6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
        Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and
    thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on
    the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

         -I love that feeling. Don’t get me wrong, the breast as a whole does need attention but I love “nipple twiddling.”

    20) COMING TOO SOON.
        Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites
    of     her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

         -Coming too soon can be irritating, but there are so many other things that a man can do after he finishes to make her finish. For instance, most women may have an arsenal of dildos, vibrators, and other fun toys that can get her off and god, does it feel wonderful to have his spotlight on you since you need to finish, too.

    26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
        Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
    there. And don’t grab her head.  

         -Humping my head is not sexy… but sometimes, grabbing my hair is one of the sexiest things a guy can do during fellatio. It shows how much he wants it.

    27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
          In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over
    them.
    In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

         -Sometimes… I dig it. Can’t help it.

    37) TALKING DIRTY.
        It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line.
    If
    she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.

         -Talk dirty to me…. Seriously…

    And some things that could not be better said.

    7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
        A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and
    West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve
    ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina.  So
    start paying them some attention.  

         -My body has all sorts of fun things that feel good. Grab my ass, rub my back, kiss my ears and neck. Otherwise I feel like a pair of floating boobs and some lady bits.

    10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
        Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along
     side of the clitoris.  

         -This is also true, though, I don’t mind direct pressure. Just keep in mind that we feel like old bowls with dried cereal stuck on the bottom if you rub it like you’re doing stubborn dishes.

    11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
        Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they
     plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep
     going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

         -Oh, how true. Just because your jaw is getting sore or you’re running out of breath doesn’t mean your fingers don’t work.

    17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
        A man in socks and underpants is at his worst.  Lose the socks first.

          -This is a personal thing with me. Socks are SO not sexy. As much as I love my man, I don’t remember a time we’ve had sex out of the shower where he wasn’t wearing socks…..

    31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
        Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring
    honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all
    handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

         -Please eat strawberries off my body. I find nothing sexier than a man with creativity.

    38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
        You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and
    she might even do the same for you.

         -Now, my personal problem is that it’s hard to make me come. It takes effort and finesse from my partner. Now if he just couldn’t go on with sex without finishing first, it would be just glorious if he would go in my special drawer, take out my special vibrator, and do special things to me until I can see the inside of my own skull from a rocking orgasm.

          Boys, nothing shows a woman you care like treating her like a queen in the bedroom and giving her what she wants. You should be grateful that she’s even letting you in her vagina. It’s not a place to store cum. It’s a vagina meant to be treated kindly.

    7 months ago  /  1 note

    1. foodfightink posted this